William’s Closet

Malvolio

Irony wears liripipes, pride a crown,
avarice vestments, justice a wig,
and yet we are all deceived by falsehood,
which runs around naked.

Claudius

It’s hardly effective to plead with toaster
if it burns your toast. Clearly, crusty edges
are to be peeled off gingerly and crumb trays
regularly emptied. The significance of this
lies in the product code on the label.

Goneril

Not all venereal diseases are permanent.
In fact, when you add up the virtue of all men
you arrive at two objective correlatives:
a fatuous king on his knees and that of a serpent
bursting from the sides with venom.

Falstaff

A roach, however witty, is half-dead
when its corpse glistens truthfully.
But who else besides an insect
stoops to see a dead man crawling?